i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
