You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
