i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
