I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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