i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
