Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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