Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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