Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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