it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
