i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
