Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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