ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
