my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
