was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
