dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
