just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
