I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
