is your mom at the bar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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