What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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