About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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