margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
