she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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