I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
