Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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