i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
