I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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