I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Someone came in the potted fern
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
