You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
