I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
