You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
