dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
