I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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