Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
