Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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