when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
