i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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