Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to calm my uterus...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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