I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
