you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
