I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
