am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
