Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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