I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
