They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
