Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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