my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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