I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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