These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
