Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
