guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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