we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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