i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
