He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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