It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
