for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
