Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
