I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
