If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
