I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
