He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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