So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
