Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
