is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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