is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
